


A Wedding, a Funeral and an Hedonist

by OscarLeogere



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:56:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OscarLeogere/pseuds/OscarLeogere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester - actor and celebrity, struggling to understand perfection.<br/>Castiel Novak - PA, child of famous cult leader.<br/>Sam Winchester - Lawyer, making his first steps towards dating again after the murder of his ex-girlfriend.<br/>Anna Milton - Cas' sister, free-wheeling sensation seeker.</p><p>When Dean and Cas are planning a simple wedding, they don't stop to consider that when family comes together there's always the possibility that things will come apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> The first third of chapter one is in diary form. Don't worry if you're not a fan, you come out of that relatively quickly (~2k words)

_Castiel’s Diary – 26 th February_

_Dean and I have been picking cakes today.  Ever since he proposed we’ve been busy jetting around trying to make sure everything is perfect, apparently the choices for cakes are more numerous than I’d ever been led to believe and we had to go to a cake testing today to make the choice.  Chocolate and some cream I’d never heard of were the order but Dean insisted that there should be an apple pie otherwise he’d always regret it._

_I’ve never seen him so happy and excited, and whatever he wants makes me happy, so though he’s asked me to help make these arrangements I’ve just agreed to everything that’s he has wanted.  Sam’s busy out of town at the moment but we’re looking forward to having him back for the wedding, which is now exactly one month away._

_In other non-wedding news I’ve discovered that I can scare young children when they chase after me in order to hand me my wallet when I foolishly drop it.  I’ve decided not to mention this to Dean as this would be something I would not be allowed to forget, and I like the idea of flicking back and being reminded of the little girl running away after I said thank you._

_Castiel’s Diary – 27 th February_

_We were going to select suits today.  I understand that he wants the wedding early but it’s making a rather difficult task of getting everything tailored and taken in well enough in advance.  The third navy suit was the best and I had to resist the urge to pin him against… well anything, and try not to let the matter of a tailor’s wandering hands bother me._

_I know how good Dean will look in this suit and I’ll try to remember to put some photos here from the wedding just so it can be remembered how sexy he looks in navy.  My suit was a lot easier to find and quite a fair bit cheaper, I might add, and the tailor wasn’t so hands-y either._

_On our way out Dean was harassed by a forty-something mother of two, she almost threw her youngest child at him and into his arms while plonking her ten year old next to him while taking photos. She was almost in tears as she babbled at how incredible the moment was muttering how she’d never met a movie star before. Perhaps the most hysterical woman I’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering when I’ve been out with Dean._

_Castiel’s Diary – 28 th February_

_Today was a Thursday and Dean was out, so I slept in; I had a small lunch then got some of my work done in the afternoon.  In the evening I watched some low quality TV and made a nice pasta dish.  At the time of writing I hadn’t heard from Dean, but no news is good news.  Four weeks until the wedding._

_Castiel’s Diary – 1 st March_

_Dean and I have had problems with the venue.  You’d think that they’d have no legal right to cancel the booking on such short notice and somehow they do.  Either way we had a long day of googling to find a back-up.  We drove to look at the exterior of a few available building and booked three tours for next week.  They’ve all been accommodating to the situation and I’ve made sure to get them to sign secrecy waivers so they don’t decide to sell the weddings location to the paparazzi._

_Dean was in a foul mood all day, which is understandable but there’s nothing that could be done about it and at least we had the sun to cheer him up slightly.  We’re definitely moving out of winter now, hopefully the weather stays good for the next few weeks._

_Castiel’s Diary – 2 nd March& 3rd March_

_It’s the weekend; I haven’t had to do much as Dean is working today and tomorrow.  I went shopping earlier, I didn’t scare any young children however I did stare at a person on the train by accident.  Apparently I phased out and then when I started to pay attention there was a somewhat insulted person meeting my gaze.  I’m sure they won’t remember it for long, which is my only saving grace._

_I called Anna today to update her on the plans for the wedding.  She understood the stresses of the whole wedding palaver (her word not mine), she’s flying in on the 23 rd.  I checked through old diaries and I’ve not seen her for years, when I first moved out here the trips were meant to be twice a year.  Best laid plans and all meant they soon dwindled down, I suppose especially when she lost her well paid job due to having too many scruples for the financial sector_

_It’s weird to think that I’ve been here for ten years now.  I’m turning 35 this year but it seems just yesterday that I’d arrived.  Heck, I hadn’t even known Dean before then and now I can’t imagine living without him.  I guess that shows how much life changes.  I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years.  Will my weekend be as dull as this? I hope not, the most exciting thing has been getting my laundry done._

_Castiel’s Diary – 4 th March_

_Dean’s new movie’s premier is tonight, so wedding planning fell by the wayside when fans were calling.  I had to sort Dean’s tie today, he’s hopeless when it comes to bow ties.  I’ve never understood it but I didn’t mind.  I can’t still feel the slightly nervous jitters as he went off to the red carpet and I headed home, on my own._

_It won’t be long before these will be couples events, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that, but for now watching Dean walking down these red carpets and his smile as the photographers flash cameras in his face will be enough for me._

_Castiel’s Diary – 5 th& 6th March_

_We’ve visited two different venues this week, both have looked reasonably priced for what they offer but neither looks like they can hold the capacity that is claimed online.  Dean was imagining various situations where people wouldn’t be able to sit down.  I had to remind him that he didn’t know that many people so he shouldn’t worry about capacity and he only needs to worry about whether he liked the room or not._

_The tour for the first building did reveal some flaws, however even though it was reasonably priced for what it offered it didn’t offer enough for the lower price to be low enough.  We let the second know that we will be able to sign contracts by Friday, but can’t let them know until then.  As for the first we made apologies and hoped they’d fill their room._

_In non-wedding news, Sam’s arrival has been confirmed to be the nineteenth of February (Though he is coming back for the wedding so does this even count?); apparently even people getting divorced understand their lawyers need holidays from time to time.  Dean and I were out last night and had some ridiculously nice oyster dishes, Dean dropped me off at home before travelling back._

_Castiel’s Diary – 7 th March_

_Yet another gripping day without Dean however I have had plenty to do: Schedule hotels for family, arrange transport from the Church to the (yet unknown) reception room and confirm who was actually going to be attending, the band had to be informed of the current questionable location, and would be updated sometime next week._

_I drank a lot of tea today; I’ve not been used to seeing so little of Dean before.  Normally I’d see him every waking moment, but with the wedding coming up it was harder and harder to get some of his time.  I seemed to spend a lot of time thinking about the future today and I can’t wait to have kids, though I’m not sure how easy that will be to organise.  I guess I should put that on my to-do list?_

_I’ve been arranging the holiday for after the wedding.  I really can’t see why it’s so hard to get to remote place.  I’ve wanted to travel to Mongolia my whole life, yet you can only really get there through China and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.  Apparently I’ll have to make do without Mongolia and a holiday to Argentina is the one to make.  It’s one of the gay friendliest places in the world._

_Castiel’s Diary – 8 th March_

_We went to the third location today it was quite a lavish and Dean loved it.  It had a large ballroom floor and within moments we knew we would take it, the owner of the hall left us to the room as long as we wanted. Out schedule had only allowed us with half an hour to examine everything before we had to go to a photography shoot for some magazine.  Fortunately, now the only thing left to decide for the wedding are the rings and the food._

_Castiel’s Diary – 9 th & 10th March_

_Another weekend, another couple of days without Dean, he was on a weekend trip to Dallas so I had to take him the airport at around 4am.  Even when he’s tired he looks like the most beautiful man alive.  I bid farewell at 6, and then went back home, unsure what to do with myself.  I dragged myself to the town and to have a gander through a few books.  My favourite book store was an antique store about an hour away from the city, but it was well worth the drive._

_I found an old copy of a Letter from an Unknown Woman, it looked like an original but I couldn’t tell.  My German isn’t good enough to read it without a dictionary but I’m sure I’ll get around to it.  Either way it’s a wonderful story and I cannot wait to actually sit down and read it.  I would say I’d have time after the wedding, but I doubt that slightly.  Either way I couldn’t say no to this or another four books.  I went to the café across the road and enjoyed one of their Danish pastries with a drink of hot chocolate._

_Sunday night I had to pick Dean up, and I knew that he wouldn’t have eaten so I made him some food at home before going to pick him up.  We had dinner together and Dean remarked that this was more homely than his own apartment; I had to remind him he’s never in his own apartment except when he’s asleep._

_Castiel’s Diary – 11 th March_

_I woke up this morning to a phonecall from Anna who really got into my head about everything.  I think she’s just overly concerned with the future I am committing myself to, insisting that I need to make some more friends other than Dean and Sam.  I tried to fob her off, they were enough for me and when they were away I could still do other things.  Anyway, I’m running a little low on time tonight before I’ll fall asleep so a quick summary:_

_We went to the caterers to discuss the menu for the wedding, and decided on some pretty tasty food, though it wouldn’t surprise me if Dean skipped the first two courses at the wedding just to eat several apple pies.  We then went across town to meet Dean’s agent and discuss when his work would restart, there wouldn’t be much time off before he was back to work but that had been expected.  People can’t hold off production forever, even when a wedding is concerned._

_Castiel’s Diary – 12 th March_

_Almost an awful day, I barely slept last night as my contract on this flat is up at the end of the week and I’d barely thought about it because of the wedding.  Thankfully, (I suppose?) my landlord sent a letter to remind me which of course means I received it today first thing.  I had a complete breakdown at Dean though about it.  I just panicked and flailed around aimlessly.  Dean is going to come over on Friday and we’ll box everything up and take it to his, and we’ll see about long term living arrangements after that._

_The rest we did that day was in preparation for the wedding, we had an appointment at a jeweller’s, and the ring picking was surprisingly easy.  Though I wouldn’t be surprised if when it comes to the wedding neither ring fits and there’s an awkward yet humorous moment at the altar.  Mind, it would almost be worth it so I can see the look on Carmen’s face in disapproval and Anna’s laughter at my expense._

_Castiel’s Diary – 13 th March_

\-- No Entry --

_Castiel’s Diary – 14 th March_

_\--_ No Entry –

_Wedding Day – 26 th March_

When Dean had opened the first page he remembered the first line on the first page, one that he had read a few weeks ago when Cas had just moved in, but he jumped pages at a time until about a month before the Wedding Day.  Cas never left his diary lying around, when it was waiting for him on the table it had been an invitation to read, but Dean wasn’t sure how much of it he was allowed to.

Dean allowed his eyes to wander along next few pages in case Cas had somehow missed a page half way through.  Dean scoured his memory; perhaps Cas had misplaced his diary in the move and only found it again after he’d finally finished unboxing.  But given how anal he was about the diary this seemed unlikely.  He looked at the first page of the book; it was August _two years ago_.  And flicking through when he skipped a day he caught up the day after.

He glanced back to the letter that had been on top of the book. This _had_ been placed here. Cas must have wanted him to read.  His mind flickered back, trying to think what was special about the thirteenth, he couldn’t remember anything about the thirteenth or fourteenth but he remembered the fifteenth well.

_– 15 th March_

Cas had picked him up, as promised, at 8:30am and they’d headed round to Cas’.  It was always a matter of being efficient for Cas.  Dean had always wondered whether he did anything for fun, or whether he was actually enjoying the work. Cas had apparently ignored the instruction _“don’t start ‘til I’m there”_ so they finished the packing relatively quickly.

Even though Cas had lived here for five years there wasn’t any clutter, everything either had a purpose or it had been thrown away when it’s purpose had expired.  It was an almost ruthless action of Cas’, he kept books in some storage space downstairs with a ridiculous cataloguing system, but anything else could and would be discarded of as soon as possible.  Cas had insisted that it was a matter of keeping his head clean and life simple, but it was a gentle reminder to Dean that if Dean wasn’t good for Cas then he wouldn’t stay in his life.

Take any male, especially one as careless as Dean and lack of foresight is already dangerous. Mostly through carelessness he hadn’t thought everything about moving Cas in with him. Well, he _had_ considered Cas moving in. He just hadn’t considered the mattress or the bed in Cas’ home, and what to do with it given that Dean’s house was fully furnished.  It took three phone calls and casual name drops of Dean Winchester (“Yes, that Dean Winchester”), and promises of extra money for Dean to find a last minute rental van to take the boxes round to Dean’s and a few more phone calls to find someone wanted _‘an old gothic hand crafted bed’_.

Cas’ love for the bed meant it could only go to someone who _really cared_ about old gothic furniture, and as the customer found insisted on delivery, they had to find a way to take the bed downstairs and get it into the van.  With the question in Dean’s mind of how Cas had ever managed to get the bed _in_ the house still there. 

When it came to the rest of the furniture, Cas’ ruthless side came out and half was taken to the skip, the rest being put into temporary storage in case Cas couldn’t stand living with Dean.  There was virtually no difficulty at Dean’s, with no vintage furniture being trusted under Dean’s roof they only had to take Cas’ vital books, a desk and a few boxes of clothes and minor furnishings.  As they waved off the van when a man came to pick it up at the end of the day, they were struck with the realisation they’d left Cas’ car at his old apartment.

Dean leant in the front doorway holding a small box, peering in to see Cas’ diary jutting out, a reasonably large book, but as a personal diary it didn’t follow a calendar so it could be any period of time, not necessarily just for this year.  Resting his arm under the box he brings a hand to open the diary and look at the first entry.

**_August 20 th_ **

**_I’ve been thinking about family a lot recently and I think I’ve found the right guy, he was right in front of my eyes all along…_ **

Before he could see another word he saw Cas coming towards him and slammed the book shut and smiled at Cas.  He was eyed suspiciously for a moment and Cas yanked the book straight out of his hand.  “We don’t want you to be reading that now do we?”

Dean looked down almost guiltily before turning the solemn look to a cheeky grin. “What about all your sordid secrets?”

Cas laughed and Dean stared at Cas for a moment watching his teeth grin as his laugh hit his ears.  Cas looked back to him, seeing him staring and blushed walking into the house offering Dean a coffee.  Dean placed the box down and following him through Cas was reaching up for mugs, he’d brought two down and turned around as he hit the kettle on.

“I’m glad you’ve moved in with me Cas,” Dean had said as he stared at Cas’ mouth watching one of the rare moments where Cas let out a genuine smile.  Dean had stepped alongside Cas and reached to grab for the sugar, but was surprised when it wasn’t in the cupboard he’d expected.

“It’s the cupboard to the right, Dean.  This is your house, how do you not know these things?” Cas had joked.

“I have a housekeeper to know all these things for me.  Not to mention my PA, he’s a swell guy.” Dean jested; Cas eyed Dean up and down giving a dismissive shrug with a light scowl.  Cas had always disapproved when Dean referred to him as his job title.  “I seem to spend most of my time at his when I’m not working and then, in the morning when I get up he’s already here and he’s got my coffee. Then when I’m entertaining…”

“It sounds like you can’t get rid of this guy.” Cas frowned. “Maybe you should arrange a restraining order.”

Dean added sugar to Cas’ coffee and ate a spoonful himself, he brought out the cream and added it to both their cups and Cas poured in the coffee, it was a well-rehearsed routine, normally at Cas’ instead of Dean’s, but still executed to perfection.  Dean jumped up to sit on the counter and Cas pulled up one of the stools and sat on that as they drank their coffee.

“So I guess I live here now…” Cas mumbled.

“Only taken me… what eight years to manage it?” Dean had responded checking his maths to see how long ago he moved into the flat, “So tell me, how does it feel to live in a luxury seaside house?”

“Oh please, I’ll never be over the fact you have to buzz security to get into the neighbourhood, and I’ve been doing that for _seven_ not eight years.” Cas had responded.  “You lived in that other house down the road for eight years and before that it was the apartment.”

Dean had always found it amusing, Cas was probably five times wealthier than him, easily, but he’d never spent it, he never wanted to… He could afford the biggest house in the gated ‘community’ easily and he’d still have enough to live on for several lifetimes, yet Cas was too proud to use his inherited money and just spent his whole life trying to earn a keep for himself.  All of the money he’d inherited just sitting in a bank or with his accountants who kept it growing for him.

Dean raised an eyebrow, “You’re not over it?” He took the last gulp of coffee and jumped down from the counter.  Cas just a foot away from him.

Cas shook his head.  “Nope, I get far too excited by the concept to be over it.” Their two eyes met and Dean began to lean in to the man sat on the chair.

“We better be careful about that then” Dean whispered and he placed his lips against the man’s in front of him.  Cas moved his head forward to meet Dean’s lips, when Dean pulled away slightly and abruptly.  The chaste kiss finished far too soon for Castiel’s liking.

Cas’ mobile went off at that moment.  “Hello?” – “Hey Anna” – “No, no this isn’t a bad time” – “I am _always_ busy.” – Cas reached up and rubbed his lips at that moment and Dean smirked as he rinsed out his mug.  – “Oh, yeah, I’m with Dean now, we can talk about that later tonight?” – “Wait a moment let me ask… I’d not thought about that - Dean, will Anna be able to stay in one of the million guest rooms?” – Dean nodded, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Dean walked through to the living room and lay on the sofa for twenty minutes as conversation flew between Cas and Anna.  Staring at the ceiling he thought to himself until Cas appeared by his side.  Dean suggested that they watch a movie, and through laziness insisted that it was Cas’ turn to pick.

Cas went over to the DVD collection and raised an eyebrow to Dean, “I’m not sure what is worst _Busty Babes 2000_ , _The Wrath of Cunt_ or _Toy Boy Soldiers._ ”

“Dude, that whole no sex before marriage…”

“Is meant to protect your virtue not encourage you to, ummm… help yourself to, gosh some of these have previews on the front covers.”  Cas slid the DVDs back into the compartment.

“Oh please, like you’re no better, just because you read erotic fiction doesn’t mean it’s more classy.”

“ _Anything_ is classier than… Oh look, here’s that pizza boy one, I still have nightmares about that. Oh and there’s a mechanic one, your taste in porn is awful.  I didn’t even think people bought porn any more.  I think it’s only you who’s keeping the industry alive.  Oh wow, fake breasts on that girl…”

Dean shrugged as he rolled onto his side on the sofa.  “Well you pick something; we’ll order some takeaway.  Oh, for what it’s worth that pizza boy one is the one that you actually didn’t mind that much.”

“I am not watching porn.”  Cas protested, “I’ll have you know that I learned one thing from that man. That’s never to watch porn.”

“It’s almost a shame I have enough money to employ you and we don’t have to _work out another arrangement_ ” Dean retorted.

Cas blushed and muttered something just below his breath, Dean didn’t quite catch it but he shrugged it off, getting up from the sofa to go and help Cas decide what they should watch.

_– 16 th of March_

Dean and Cas both woke up alone at a similar time, the difference between them was that while Cas had trudged through to the kitchen immediately, Dean had tried to get every drop of sleep that he possibly could, while he could.  When Dean eventually emerged from his lair he was greeted by Cas reading a newspaper, everything all prepared to go for a Full English breakfast.

It wasn’t cooked but everything was out, the toast was in the toaster, the coffee was waiting to be made, the juice had been poured, the table had been set.  Dean hadn’t been able to remember the last the table had been set.  Nobody bothered to set the table.  Where the newspaper had come from Dean had no idea, he supposed there was a shop a mile down the road, and without a car that must have been where he’d gone.

He let out a big yawn and stretch, “Morning Cas” he said as his leg tensed and he walked more like a robot than a human.  He grabbed a glass of water and saw Cas place down the newspaper and leap up and to start cooking.

“How is it possible you’ve stayed in bed until 10am? I had to carry you through to bed at 10pm, you’ve had twelve hours sleep…” Dean shrugged as Cas continued, “It’s a good job you got up now, I may actually have been a skeleton had you come through any later.”

Dean feigned protest as he started to help with the food.  Cas grabbed his shoulders and turned him away to walk back to the table and got back to cooking the food.

“I can’t remember the last time someone cooked breakfast for me.”

Cas laughed, “You never have breakfast in, you always eat out or not at all. Someone cooking for you in a restaurant still counts y’know.  I’ve made your cereal loads, just because it’s muesli doesn’t mean that it doesn’t count.”

“Yeah, but they’re cooking breakfast for lots of people…” Dean trailed off.  “I don’t know it just doesn’t happen often.  Not that it should, you should have ate this morning when you went to the shop, there’s a café just next door.”

“I wanted to eat with you, besides, it’s the least I can do for the help yesterday.” Cas smiled. “Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s a part of my job to make sure you don’t starve to death.”

They ate breakfast and later on Cas got a taxi to pick up the car from his house and drove back to Dean’s place, they knew him well as he ferried Dean around pretty much most of the time, he wondered whether they’d even known he didn’t live with Dean before.

That evening it had been another evening in.  They ordered more takeaways and sat on the sofa watching TV. 

“It’s been so long since we’ve spent a weekend together,” Dean mumbled as he leant against Cas’ shoulder.

“I know.” Cas almost whispered in contrast with his usual harsh voice. “Wedding planning is soaking up all our time. It’s good for me though, been able to get reading done.”

“I’ve missed you too.”  Dean wasn’t comfortable so he lay on his back with his head in Cas’ lap, he asked if this was alright before continuing.  As he spoke he stared at Cas’, it was a view he’d never had before of the man before him.  In his eyes at that moment he saw the perfect figure of a man above him. 

“Sarcasm is unbecoming of a man Dean.”  Cas looked sad for a moment as his eyes were focused on the TV still.  He wished for a moment that he could take a photo of Cas’ face and stare at it like this forever.

“Did you call Anna this morning?”

“I spoke to her last night, remember?  I did tell her that she might not want to go near the DVDs.  This is why I used to avoid sleeping here; you seem to buy more porn than I do books.”

“What is it with you and your obsession with my porn collection?” Cas rolled his eyes before Dean smirked and continued, “I need to call Sam, I haven’t a clue what time he’s arriving.”

“At 5am, Terminal C, I’ve already made sure the schedule is free tomorrow so we can prepare for his arrival.  I had to buy the tickets after all, the thing I don’t get is why couldn’t he bring his own clothes, or buy his own toiletries?”

“Cas, it’s Sam, he can’t look after himself, he gets all his new clothes when he comes here.”

“I _know_ that, I’m the one who normally buys them.” Cas winked at him. “I sometimes wonder how you survived before me.”

“I looked after Sammy, he looked after me.” Dean shook his head slightly.

_– 17 th March_

The clock struck midnight and Cas lifted Dean so they could go to bed.  As he lifted Dean up and carried him through to bed Dean’s eyes opened slightly, “Cas, what the…”

“You were asleep.”

“Okay, I’m not even going to ask.”

“I was staying up until midnight.  I’m thirty-five now; I’m going to be grey-haired and wrinkly and using a stick before long.”

“Shit, I forgot it’s your birthday.  I didn’t get you anything.” Dean was wide awake as Cas lay him on the bed.  “What do you want?”

“Nah, it’s fine.  I don’t want anything; I’m not a birthday person.  We’ve discussed this before.” Cas sat on the bed for a moment.  And Dean sat up next to him.

“I know what I can give you…” Dean moved his hand onto Cas’ thigh.

“But the wedding…” Cas mumbled moving his hand down to push Dean’s away.

“But your birthday?” Dean’s hand closed around Cas’ hand, and Dean’s legs moved round.

“You’re drunk Dean.” Cas whispered.

Dean was sat right behind Castiel now; his hand had moved onto Cas’ crotch, Cas’ hand still tight in Dean’s grip was forced to follow on a light rubbing up and down.  Dean loosened his grip on Cas’ hand which moved up Dean’s arm and tightened its grip slightly.

Cas let out a low moan, and he was about to move away but he heard a whisper in his ear, “I have wanted to do this for so, so long.” In that moment he just melted back and felt Dean’s arms around him.  One hand undid the button to his trousers and the other just rubbed up and down over and over again lazily.

“Besides, if you do this for yourself how is this any different to our virtue?” Dean nibbled lightly on the back of Cas’ ear.  “If it helps, I can tell you all the things we could do if virtue wasn’t an issue?”

Cas let out a slight moan as Dean’s hand moved up and down over the fabric. His hand moved from Cas’ underwear and pushed down underneath, he squeezed lightly before levering the underwear down completely.  His other hand pulled Cas’ legs apart before moving down to cup Cas’ balls and squeeze them gently.  Cas lifted up slightly and his trousers were pushed down completely. “I could kiss you everywhere on your body, I would kiss your chest, I would kiss your neck, your ears… and I would lick everywhere, I would nibble along your thighs and my head would be here right between your legs.  I would be able to wrap my hand right around you as I sucked on your balls here.  Except I would only tease you with my mouth and hand, I wouldn’t let you go soft I’d just tease you until you begged me to let you come, and even then I’d take my time.  I would wait until your throat was sore from calling my name before I would even begin to consider the possibility I might grace you with my mouth.”

“I wouldn’t even pause from this constant teasing to kiss you, and your hands couldn’t help you as you’d be tied right up to the bed.” Cas let out a little moan.  “And if you were thinking about bucking your hips, I’d be pushing down with my free hand, just so you knew who was in control.” Deans hand slowed and he just squeezed firmly and gave very slow movements.  “I would ask if you want to try that now but, I have no rope.  And like you in my hand too much to be willing to let go.”

Cas bucked his hips slightly dissatisfied with the pace.  “Well how about this,” Dean whispered.  “The first sign of rebellion.   I guess I didn’t tell you, if you behave while you’re tied up, and if you do as I say, after I blow your mind with my mouth.  I’d even let you suck me, but only if you’d be willing to take it all.  Only if you wanted to taste me completely, and you wanted me to be right in your face.” Cas stopped bucking, “Hmmm, I think you like that then.  If you’re lucky I’ll even let you taste everything I’ve got.  I mean it Cas, I’d have been building all of that time that I’d have been going so slow, I would have been in my jeans and hard like now…” He rubbed his crotch against Cas’ back for a moment to demonstrate, “And I’d be dying to be freed.  I’d let you undo my buttons with your mouth and then you can lick all the juices that have soaked into my boxers and if you’re still hungry then you can have it and feed on it like the…” Dean paused not sure whether to say the word he was going to, “Cocksucker you are.”

Dean’s hand started to move a bit faster again… “And maybe after all that I’d let you fuck me.  Would you like that?” He paused and licked Cas’ earlobe, “I asked would you like that?” Cas nodded and shuddered when Dean’s hand gave a hard thrust in response, “Good.  Cause I’d let you thrust now…” He paused for a moment, “Well go on Cas’ I’m letting you thrust.  There you go, and as you fucked me all tied up and move my hands along your chest and I’d kiss you, still tasting myself in your mouth.  And you’d be so well trained that you wouldn’t be able to come until I said you could.  And then some day, I’m not sure how long it would take of this regime, if you asked nicely enough.  If you begged me, I’d fuck you so hard that you wouldn’t be able to walk for weeks.”

Cas was moaning a lot now as he bucked his hand against Dean’s almost stationary tight grip.  Dean squeezed firmly on Cas’ balls and then restrained Cas’ hips.  His hands then both wrapped around Cas’ shaft at the same point and pumped with a slow but regular rhythm.  He then whispered in Cas’ ears, “I’m going to make you come now.” And then he moved his hands with ferocity and Cas fell silent as he writhed beneath Cas everything tensing up under Dean’s touch.  Dean pulled off his left hand to catch everything that came from Cas and then Cas went, Dean could feel Cas pulsing in his hands for over a minute as he squeezed along, milking every drop.

They fell asleep in a similar position.  Cas lying on top of Dean with his legs over the side of the bed.  When Dean woke in the morning there was a moment of slight disillusionment before remembering what had happened, he moved out from underneath Cas and moved him onto the bed into a more comfortable position.  He wasn’t one for cooking but he decided to make breakfast, a bowl of cereal and a fruit juice poured later and he took it through on a tray for a Cas waking him up.

“Here you go Cas, I can’t cook but y’know, I woke up first today so I guess it’s only fair”.  Cas shrugged in response and started eating the cereal.  He made a sarcastic complement about the quality and finished it all quite quickly.

They went out for the day as it was their last day together before the wedding would fill most of their time.  They didn’t talk about the night before, an elephant in the room, a slightly erotic elephant, but fortunately Cas hadn’t regretted it and nor had Dean but with the wedding just on the horizon it didn’t seem like a conversation that either _wanted_ to have. 

Dean spent most of the day texting Sam making sure everything was alright for the journey.  Dean’s teenage years had been spent making sure Sam was okay, that his education was good and it was only good fortune from a shit situation which made him famous and he thanked God for that almost every day.  Cas had looked after Sam well too, and if his Dad had been responsible for Sam, if John hadn’t died there would be no way in hell that he would be successful as he is today; but that thought, the thought that John’s death had been for the best, that the death had made Sam who he was.  It was an idea that Dean shot down before it started.

It was Cas’ birthday so the shopping was supposed to be focused on Cas (and Sam, but Sam was easy to shop for) but Dean got distracted by sales in designer stores and of course Cas saw a pet shop and there was no pulling Cas away from kittens.  Cas had a bond with kittens that he didn’t with humans and Dean had never understood the way that he would act the moment he saw a kitten.  After about an hour of Cas petting and playing with the kittens Dean had to drag him away, and they went for a ‘special’ birthday meal.  It wasn’t anything grand, if Dean had known some of Cas’ other friends he’d have invited them but he knew that Cas’ friends were as rare as his own, and just the two of them like it normally was, that would be enough.

_– 18 th March_

Dean didn’t really remember much of the 18th, it was pretty much all work.  Some audition for a minor part in a movie that was some kind of big-hitting rom-com.  He was meant to be the brother of the main character or something, he didn’t really care.  It was a few days’ work at most and he needed something to fill his time until his agent found him something good. They bought food for Sam and by the time they’d returned home the housekeeper must have done all the cleaning because the smell of disinfectant filled the air. It wasn’t an important issue, but he didn’t appreciate it.

_– 19 th March_

Dean was shocked awake by Cas standing above him staring intently.

“Fucks sake Cas, don’t watch me sleep that’s just creepy.” Dean had shouted as he jumped out of bed.

“Sorry.  I came to wake you.  It’s eleven thirty, we need to go in ten minutes.” Cas turned and left the room a few moments later he heard the front door open and close so Dean hurried to throw on a t-shirt, jeans and trainers before he ran out of the house to the car.

Sam’s plane arrived about fifteen minutes late and he got off and gave Dean a big hug and the same to Cas.

“So, tell me Dean… How’s the bride?” Sam smiled.

Dean shrugged, “I haven’t seen her much for a few weeks.  I only get to see her on Thursdays at the moment. You know what it’s like dating a crazy son of a bitch like Carmen.”


	2. A Funeral

Sam and Dean arrived at the car deep in conversation, Cas following about twenty seconds behind looking around the car park awkwardly before finally catching up with the brothers.

“How did you get so far behind?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged, “there was a random old couple who got between us so I had to wait until they had gone a different direction.”

“You could have walked around?”

“That would be rude, especially as I’m not in a hurry.” Cas unlocked the car and climbed in the front as Sam threw the luggage in the trunk of the car before climbing in the back.

Cas broke the silence, “Sam, how’s everything since Jess?”

“I’m still living with the family.  I think I’ll have to move out soon.  I shouldn’t live there anymore, it’s perhaps time I made the fresh start.”

“I get that. It’s hard to move on though.” There was a solemn moment in near silence as everything of importance had been discussed; the elephant of the wedding being ignored and the radio’s music issued a low drone to combine with the whirring of the car engine.  “I know what I’m getting for Dean now by the way, Sam.  Y’know, for the wedding.”

Dean coughed here, “Cas, pretty sure you’re not meant to say this in front of me.”

Sam rolled his eyes as Cas and Dean fell into an argument over the etiquette of gift purchasing and the way that it is _meant_ to be done and the way that Dean insists on doing it.  Sam leant against the car seat and felt the past ten years of Cas being around in their life imprinted on them, it seemed so familiar and even though so much had happened in the years that Cas had been in their lives it felt almost for a moment that nothing had changed.

Cas pulled into the drive and went into the house.  Entering into the house and turning right to enter the kitchen and turn on the kettle immediately.  Dean and Sam walked in a few moments later.

“I think the twenty-fourth? Isn’t that right Cas?” Dean was speaking loudly but Cas ignored the question until it was repeated when Dean had entered the kitchen.

“Yes, it gives us a few more days to prepare the best spare room for her.” Cas didn’t glance away from the kettle.

“You mean you still haven’t… y’know?” Sam paused, “I suppose she’s not going to be in there for long though is she.”

“Carmen is probably the only model who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.” Dean’s face turned slightly sour at the thought.

“How can she not believe in it? You’ve done it enough.” Sam joked as he sat down at the dinner table.

“Well yeah, but not with _her_ and until the wedding we’re not sharing a bed. Something about it’ll encourage sinful behaviour.  It’s a good job Cas convinced me to buy a house with six bloody rooms… _‘Perfect for a family’_ was the selling point he pushed with me and I end up with you two and a model who’s afraid of children.” Dean let out a low sigh. “She doesn’t believe in contraception either.”

“You _still_ haven’t discussed that? You can’t seriously expect her to change her mind.  You said you’d discuss this months ago?” Sam’s frustration at Dean was one that often came on the matter of Carmen.

“She’s the perfect woman, Sam!” Dean sounded like a disgruntled child insisting that ‘ _but that one is better’_ for no reason other than the fact an advert had told him so.

“Yeah, for a magazine’s top 100 list.  Me and Jess, well we knew these things and we were much younger than you.  Hey, maybe we were Carmen’s age…”

“Oh Sammy getting all sassy. Just because you’re a divorce lawyer doesn’t mean you know more about relationships.”

“Anyway, I just remember how you were with Cassie and that’s not the same as you are now.”

“Love changes as you get older Sam.”

“Here’s the thing Dean, it doesn’t.  You wouldn’t shed a tear if Carmen left you and I’m going to drop it now because you’re beginning to look angry.” Sam trailed off.

Dean opened his mouth to speak but he glanced to the spot where Cas was meant to be, “Where did Cas go?” Sam shrugged as Dean passed him a mug seemingly at random.  “Hopefully these are the right way round.  He normally makes them in alphabetical order.”

Sam paused, “So you know how you and Cas… Are you both okay with what happened?”

“We haven’t talked about it but it’s no big deal.”

“I… Okay, but what if Cas doesn’t feel that way?”

“It’s fine, it’s no big deal, trust me.  Cas wasn’t interested before Carmen, he’s sure as hell not interested now.”

Sam sighed.  “Well let’s go join Cas and watch some shit tv or something?”

Dean shrugged, “I could do with some lunch though… pizza?” After Sam nodded he shouted across the house, “Cas, do you want pizza?” when he received a response that sounded like a yes he called the takeaway and they went through to the lounge.  Cas was lying completely on one of the sofas.

“Cas, shimmy up, there’s room for two on that couch.” Dean sat at the end, crossing his legs and sitting in exactly one square.

Sam claimed the second couch, “Pretty certain as I’m the guest I get to pick the movies?”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead.” Cas muttered being greeted by a gentle slap on the legs by Dean.

“You’re not even going to watch the movie.  You’re just saying that because he’ll pick something you like.”

“Whereas you would pick something that had women in compromising positions and would weep if there wasn’t a lesbian sex scene.”

“Dean wouldn’t pick porn while I was here…” Sam spoke slightly nervously.

“Oh please, these are the non-pornographic films he put on last night.  I didn’t know so many lesbian films existed until I moved in.  I’ve never known this secret obsession he hides, they’re the shelf below the dramas right at the bottom.”

“You son of a bitch, I’ll have you know they’re good movies.”

“ _Sure_ ” Sam chimed in, receiving a harsh glare from Dean.

Three movies later and Cas firmly placed down his book and walked through to his bedroom to collect another, he came back via the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of wine and three glasses.  On his way back he’d heard talk of Carmen, so he just stayed in the hallway, not moving.  Cas had been trying to pretend that Carmen wasn’t in the picture and it was becoming difficult to do so now.  The conversation continued for longer than he expected and the drawl of Carmen talk twanged deep inside.

When he’d heard the conversation end he returned, Sam eying Cas suspiciously, “What took you so long? You seemed certain what book you wanted to read next?”

“Oh please, I think I’ve stuck to my plan of which book to read twice in my whole life.  I go through and look at all the books in my to-read pile and I then read the blurbs again, and then I have to pick… But fear not, I come bearing wine too.”

_– 20 th March_

Wine as a drink bears the incredible quality that one glass quickly becomes two and then magically becomes a bottle.  Before you know it everyone is drunk and then, when you sit down or get slightly tired and relaxed you fall asleep.  In lack of comfort or a warm bed, alone or in the arms of someone else, it’s never certain how it will all end up.  For Dean, he fell asleep leaning on Cas.

For Sam and Cas the conversation continued, their alcohol consumption allowing them to talk until past midnight about books and life and the way things were.  Each edging around the wedding topic ever so elegantly until, the thought crept into Sam’s mind, slowly at first and then all at once.

“Cas, I know what happened between you and my brother.” Sam spoke, almost softly.

“I figured as much.  I hope you don’t think any less of me.  I didn’t set out to make it happen.”

“I know.  It must be hard for you.”

“It is.” Cas looked down, slightly.  Running his hand through Dean’s hair pushed against his neck.  “But, he’s never been interested before.  I’m trying to remember that and pretend that it didn’t happen.”

“Have you ever considered telling him?”

“I… yes.  But I won’t, I can’t.  I just, when the honeymoon comes I have a few weeks off, and maybe then I’ll be able to do something and move past everything.”

“Life is too short; I mean Jess was taken from me.  You either take your shot while you still have a chance or you don’t.”

“I’ve already spent a large amount of my life with Dean, he’s had his chance and he’s chosen Carmen.  I have to accept that.”

Sam sighed to himself and made excuses to go to bed.  Cas carried Dean through to bed, kissing him once on the forehead as he tucked him in.  He looked over his shoulder for a moment, and he could have sworn he saw Dean’s eyes looking right back at him but he shrugged it off and walked to bed.

In the morning Dean was feeling slightly worse for wears.  His head was pounding and the room rotating leaving him disoriented as he stumbled out of his bedroom to the main bathroom.  On the way out he saw Cas already wearing his trench-coat walking into the kitchen, Dean had never understood why he almost always wore the coat, even inside.  He followed Cas through who somehow looked well even though he was sure Cas drank more than Dean last night.

“Hey Cas,” Dean croaked on the way in.  Before he had a chance to say another word he was being passed a glass of water.  Sam nodded at him as he turned a page of his newspaper, he winced at the sound and took a gulp of water.  “How can you guys not be feeling dreadful right now?” Sam’s laugh pierced through Dean’s ears harshly and he’d wished he’d not opened his mouth.  The clattering of Cas around the kitchen causing Dean’s mental pain no rest.

When Dean complained about the noise Cas immediately became more careful, the clattering as he went about making breakfast became a small amount of scraping occasionally and a small amount of sizzling from a pan.  Cas was making a ‘Full English’ breakfast, he’d never understood why Cas even called it that, it wasn’t particularly English, and nobody else he knew would describe it as that. 

After another page turn from across the room Dean felt the need to finally break the near silence of the kitchen.  “Getting practice cooking for three I guess Cas?”

Cas turned to look at him, slightly puzzled by the comment.  After a few moments passed Sam mouthed the word Carmen at him.  “Oh, yeah.  Though isn’t she dangerously thin? Does she even eat?”

Dean tutted and shook his head, “That was a rumour about her anorexia, you know.”

“I was only going off what she looked like, she probably wouldn’t eat anything I’ve cooked here, except maybe a grilled tomato, is that low enough in calories?” Cas shifted awkwardly before turning a piece of bacon.  “Either way, we need to get me a new place after the wedding, don’t we?”

Sam half-heartedly joined the conversation, “not unless you want to hear them at it like rabbits.”

Cas and Dean both glared as Sam, Dean was the one to retort fastest, “ _Maybe_ we’re in a thoroughly modern marriage and Cas is a third party?”

Cas blushed at that, shook his head at Dean and turned back to the stove.  Dean finally sat down on a barstool, turning it towards Cas.  However despite his fatigue he was restless and desired another drink.  He pushed himself off the stool and walked over towards the kettle and smiled at Cas, bumping him slightly as they stood side by side.  With their elbows meeting, Dean turned his head to stare at Cas’ lips and felt the rest of the world melt away for a moment. 

Cas was still looking ahead with occasional glance at Dean, but seeing Dean’s stare on him, he quickly looked away again.  Dean leant in and raised his hand to turn Cas’ face which did so on its own volition.  Dean’s hand hovering just below Cas’ face and Dean readied to lean in and take a kiss.  A loud page turn from across the room and the click of the kettle ending its boil and Dean’s hand fell away, Cas’ face swiftly turned back to look at the stove and Dean withdrew from his advance and made a coffee.

As Dean’s teaspoon hit against the sides of the mugs Cas quickly made excuses leaving with the insistence that Dean looks after the food for a moment.  Dean sighed to himself and did as he was told.  Cas came back ten minutes later, for a moment Dean thought that Cas had been crying, but only for a moment.  He had hypothesised that Cas’ eyes were red before he left due to fatigue and not enough sleep.  He was right of course, Cas had not had enough sleep, yet correct thoughts are often fickle, they slip through unnoticed, a small shadow of a doubt and nothing more.

After breakfast Cas made his excuses about having errands to run, leaving Sam and Dean alone for a day.

“You were about to kiss Cas weren’t you?” Sam sighed.

“So what if I was, Sam?”

“The wedding, are you intentionally playing dumb here?  Carmen is going to be here in a few days, if she sees that, the wedding is off.  Or is that what you want?  And pretending like Cas is going to live here forever, aren’t you going to let him lead his own life?  Do you remember the last time he dated someone?”

“Just before I met Carmen - when I moved into this house - he was considering settling down with this guy.  I don’t know, I don’t really have many details, it’s just this thing I remember him mentioning.”

‘ _In his diary_ ,’ Dean almost vocalised, _‘He didn’t even mention he was seeing someone at the time.’_

Dean put his mug down, “You know I try and set him up with people, he’s just not interested.  He likes living his life as a hermit.”

_– 21 st March_

Dean woke first thing in the morning a truly rare day where he was up before Cas.  Sam had already left for the day he was going to visit some of his old friends.  He put on his jacket and was about to leave when he heard Cas coughing heavily from in the kitchen.  Dean went through to say hello and saw him looking pasty white with beads of sweat perfectly round.

“Wow you look… uh… like death.” Dean cringed at what he’d said.

“Well I feel it.” His voice croaked, more gravelly than normal.  “I’ve got some preparation to do for next week and the whole press conference for tomorrow.”

Dean pushed his hand to Cas’ forehead and pulled it away almost immediately, “You are not allowed to work today, you are too hot.”

“But we haven’t even got the basics ready yet, as you insist on not talking to your PR manager directly except when she’s here drinking, then unless you plan on flailing then I’ve…”

“Got to go to bed. We can talk about this when you’re feeling better this evening.” Dean placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder and rotated him before tapping him on the ass to send him on his way.  “I’ll bring you a jug of water and ice, and I think we might have some drugs somewhere, where do you normally keep them?”

“Bathroom mirror cabinet.  Grab the ibuprofen not the paracetamol.” Cas moaned as he left the room to return to bed.

A few minutes later Dean appeared with a tray carrying the jug of ice water, with no glass to pour into, the drugs and the newspaper for the day, that Sam had presumably purchased this morning.  “Right now Cas, be on your best behaviour I have to go out and see Carmen, but I’ll leave as early as possible and I’ll come and look after you, okay?”

Cas nodded, Dean proceeding to tuck him into the bed.  It was a double yet somehow Dean managed.  Within moments Cas had drifted back to sleep and Dean paused for a few minutes to just watch and listen to Cas purr with each breath.  The day ahead had been long and on the return, just after rush hour, he went straight back to Cas room.

Waiting for him was Cas leaning against the back of the bed, reading the newspaper.  Dean sat on the bed beside Cas’ feet and smiled at him.  “You look like death warmed up… So you’re getting a little bit better.”

“Have you ever actually looked after an ill person before?” Cas muttered, his throat dry despite the constant drinking of water and the phlegm in the back of his mouth making it sore to swallow back the water.  “I have been bored today.”

“What about German literature? You love it… a strangely large amount.”

“Yes, but today I just couldn’t get going with anything.  Maybe plotlines of tuberculosis and smallpox aren’t aimed at people who feel like death.”

Dean smiled at him.  He patted Cas’ leg through the bed sheet and then stood, “Do you want food?” Cas shook his head.  Dean now unsure why he stood, “I… uh…” Cas patted to his right hand side, Dean took that as an invite to sit with him on the bed walked around to the other side of the bedroom.  He removed his jacket and shoes and lay over the covers next to Cas.

“Tell me about your day.” Despite the fact it was worded firmly as an order and the deeper voice that Cas possessed due to his sore throat it was not with a hint of aggression and the speech was still soft and soothing to Dean.

“I worried about you.” Dean bit his lip for a moment, and turned his head to look upwards at Cas sat next to him.  In a moment of absolute clarity of desire he almost leant forward and kissed Dean but Dean’s position was not perfect.  He propped himself on his arms, the distance now smaller, Cas leaning against the headboard brain and watching Dean intensely.  Dean moved around.  The duvet between him and Cas as he sat on Cas’ legs.

Dean leant forward, and smiled at Cas.

“I spoke to Meg. She’s preparing a document for me and she’ll email it to you tonight.”

“That’s good. I called her to give her the key details. Y’know, about the video and the revised proposal.”

Dean pulled back a little, “I thought I told you no work.”

“It couldn’t wait.”

“I decide what can wait Cas.  I’m your boss.”

He closed his eyes and pushed his head strongly against Cas’ lips. The kiss was uncertain, the words ‘ _marriage’_ and ‘ _Carmen’_ impolitely searching to find a way out of Cas’ mouth.  Before they could,Dean’s tongue had entered into Cas’ mouth but only momentarily before being withdrawn, Dean pulled away slightly sensing the lack of passion returned by the man in front.  Yet when the seemingly cool air of the room hit Cas’ lip the gap was gone and the lips met again.  The kiss was tender in an unfamiliar way to Dean, it wasn’t that he hadn’t kissed like this before, Carmen loved tongues… It was more that the world seemed to melt away around him.”

Dean pulled away again, seeking a sign of approval from Cas, Cas’ eyes were staring intently, mixed in shock and uncertainty.  Dean stood, pulled the covers down on what was for the moment _his_ side of the bed and climbed in, he trousers were removed after he was under the covers and he just lay by Cas’ side.  The lust he felt hadn’t subsided, he still felt nothing more than a desire to touch Cas, but equally he’d not lain in bed with a man like this before, nor a woman, it had never been lying in bed before sex, it was always the bed for sex and then sleep.

Dean rolled onto his side, Cas now lay rather than leaning against the headboard.  Dean was facing Cas, and they stared into each other’s eyes.  Dean pulled himself towards Cas’ body, and then their bodies met, their erections met, sheathed by underwear only.  Yet Dean’s arms just wound around Cas’ body, and Cas’ arms were pincered into place by Dean’s grasp.  The lust slowly faded away, the situation becoming less excusable as being an _in-the-moment_ urge, yet Dean felt no desire to let go.  The only time his grip loosened was about five minutes into the hug when Cas rolled over, and the grip was just as tight twenty seconds later, when he was nuzzling his nose into Cas’ neck.

Cas was still too warm, shivering slightly, but still feeling drowsy he fell to sleep, waking several hours to find Dean’s arms and legs wrapped around him, one hand resting under Cas’ face the other slipped into Cas’ shirt.  Cas moved slightly waking Dean who muttered something that would only make sense to a sleeping person.  Waking up more fully he stretched rolling back onto his back.

“Cas, are you better yet?” Dean mumbled.

“I’m hungry.” Cas’ voice still husky.

“I am too… Do you want a burger?”

“Not today, we will have one tomorrow, I froze some food from a couple of days ago, when we went shopping.”

“Italian? Are you sure you don’t want soup? You always feed me soup when I’m ill.”

“I need nutrition and Italian will be fine.”

Dean protested further, detailing all of the horrid soups that Cas had ‘inflicted’ him with over the years.  Cas went through to the kitchen, rebuttoning his night shirt as he went.  Sam raised an eyebrow as Dean followed in only his underwear.

“Jesus Christ, why do you always hide in the kitchen Sam?” Dean suddenly felt more naked.

Sam laughed and Dean ran off back to the bedroom pulling on trousers.  Upon his return he heard Cas insisting that nothing happened with Sam sounding disbelieving as he entered he spoke.

Sam tutted as Dean entered the room.  Dean saw Cas whispering something to Sam before he went through to the living room, Dean heard the distinct noise of Cas turning the electric fire on before Sam broke the silence as he put pasta into the pan.

“I’m not going to say anything, how was Carmen today?”

“Busy, beautiful, she didn’t really want me there.  I’m looking forward to Sunday.”

“When Sunday comes you’ll be sorry.  Why can’t you just accept that you’re in love with Cas and how that’s fine?  You just walked through from his room in a top and underwear; this is not normal behaviour a week before a wedding.” He paused for a moment and then refreshed his stare.

“Look, what do you want me to say Sam?”

“Dean, your pulling Cas along on this little affair.  It’s not fair.”

“I don’t love Cas. But even if I did…”

“Oh please, you insist on this career that is making you pick Little Miss Perfect over Cas? This is the 21st Century and you can love whoever the fuck you want and your career is half down to that man’s anal organisation.”

Dean bit his lip, almost as if to consider what he would respond with, “Carmen wanted to go over the seating plan again on Sunday.”

“How many times will we have to do this? Didn’t I help with this last time I was here?” Sam shouted, his anger not quite recovered.

“She loves spending time with you, she wants to be like a sister you never had.  Really, it’s quite disturbing at times.”

“Oh, please tell me she wants to get dogs instead of kids, this would make my day.”

Dean shifted weight between his feet and began to protest but the protest faded away quickly, “Well… she’s not hard set on dogs.”

“You _hate_ dogs.”

Dean scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “I’m not that bad with dogs.  I’m gonna’ go and check on Cas.”

He walked through to the lounge and saw Cas sat on the carpet right in front of the fire warming his hands, he turned at the sound of footsteps and smiled.  His smile pierced through the slight irritation that Dean had felt moments before.  “Come on Cas, dinner’s ready in a few minutes.  Do you have anything other than that coat you can wear to keep you warm?”

Cas shook his head.  Dean pushed his hand against Cas’ head, “you’re burning up, come on, I’ll grab you a jacket but we don’t want you too hot.”

Dean disappeared off to get one of his own.  He returned and knelt behind Cas and put the cardigan around him.  Dean paused with his hands resting on Cas’ shoulder, feeling as though his gut had been pulled from out of him a hollow feeling yet combined with no desire to be sick.  Dean pulled Cas up and they walked back to the kitchen where Sam was now serving the food.

After dinner Sam made excuses and went to bed, Dean dragged Cas back to bed and lay next to him claiming the right hand side of the bed again.  They lay facing each other and Dean reached out his hand again and stroked along Cas’ jawline.  It was a moment of sheer intimacy until they each drifted off into their nightly sleep.

_– 22 nd March_

Dean roused as the first rays of light came in the window.  He could feel a restless Cas moving next to him, “Cas, are you awake?”

Cas lay still for a moment, “Yeah.” His throat was still croaky.  His body started to pull away out of the bed.

“Don’t leave.” Dean whispered as Cas climbed out and walked through to the bathroom.  Dean heard a toilet flush, the sound of the sink and saw the crack of light enter from the door when Cas crept back in.  Cas went to his drawer and pulled out some clothes but Dean interrupted, “I thought I’m the doctor here? You’re not allowed to leave the ward yet.” Dean could see the silhouette of Cas look over his shoulder and let out a low smirk.  “Back to bed with you.”

Cas got back into bed and Dean pulled his body closer and placed his lips on the first body part they could find.  The back of Cas’ neck smelt exactly as Cas did.  “Are you ill still?” Cas shook his head but in the dim light it wasn’t clear, Dean moved his hand up to feel Cas’ forehead, it was still a little warm.  He pushed his lips against Cas’ neckline again and he kissed around it.  His hand rubbed down Cas’ shirt from behind, the hand reached higher and tried to pull the shirt off but the buttons were keeping it from its tasks.  Cas began to undo the buttons with haste but Dean’s hand reached around and took Cas’ in hold, slowing the tempo considerably.

Dean whispered into Cas’ ear, “You need to slow down, Doctor’s Orders” before taking the right earlobe into his mouth slightly and massaging it slowly with his teeth.  His body came further round and Cas’ rolled onto his back simultaneously.  Dean was now atop of Cas and even in the dark Cas’ eyes shimmered beautifully to meet Dean’s.

Dean put his hands on each of Cas’ wrists and kissed him intensely.  The light hold on the wrists became firmer and Cas was now firmly in Dean’s grasps.  Cas bit into Dean’s upper lip when he tried to pull away for a moment of breath, Cas lifted his head up to bring their lips back together his teeth releasing the pressure on Dean’s lips again.  The second time Dean pulled away there was no resistance.  Dean’s tongue ran down Cas’ body, the opening in the shirt giving him enough skin to circle every so often on his route.

Cas’ breath was rare and deep when it occurred.  Dean’s teasing and flicking of his tongue across every inch of his chest providing Dean with a better knowledge of Cas’ chest than Cas ever could have.  Dean pulled Cas’ pyjamas tight and his mouth ran along the clear excitement pushing against the soft cotton, he pulled his mouth off and he moved his hands so as one kept the material pressing tightly down the other brushed up and down repeatedly and rapidly.  The reactions were slow and limited at first but Dean mastered the technique as he had on himself seeing Cas’ pleasure at the repeated feeling of pressure being applied to his head and whole shaft.

After several minutes Dean saw fluid oozing through slowly, he moved his head back down and he suckled gently on the head as his hand ran up and down the shaft slowly.  He pulled the waistline down and pulled them off slowly and smiled at Cas before placing his mouth around the testicles and running his tongue around each of them, applying only a gentle amount of pressure.

Dean finally brought himself to lick around the head, taking the precome that was waiting there and kissing Cas.  Cas let out a low moan and moved his hands to Dean’s head who pushed them off, Dean flicked his tongue around Cas’ head once more before smiling, “Hands to yourself… for now.” Dean took Cas’ hands and placed them under his body.  He brought his mouth around Cas’ head and moved it down slowly and then up again slowly.  He used his hand to slowly pump on the bottom half of Cas while his mouth worked higher up.  After several minutes he felt a slight tensing in Cas’ body so paused.

“Are you… Wet enough?” Dean paused and pulled his underwear down.  “You know… for…”

Cas shook his head but Dean hadn’t waited for a response and had tried to slip himself down onto Cas.  Dean winced and did surprisingly well for about a third of a second before pulling off in pain.  Cas pushed Dean off him, “There’s a reason for lube, and it’s not just for the bottom. Also, do I have to explain about safe sex?” Cas rolled on top of Dean and sat up.

“You’ve not been with anyone in ages.”

“Oh really, what do you know?” Cas smiled a little and leant down so his face was close to Dean’s.

“You’ve not been with anyone since the man in the book. The one that you wanted a family with.”

Cas’ face fell and he pushed himself off of Dean abruptly. “You read my diary?”

Dean protested for a moment but Cas’ voice had pushed louder.

“You’re incredible at times Dean.  You read my _personal_ diary.  That explains why you’ve been like this the past few days.” Cas’ face turned red. “Find out my secret, well done you Mr Winchester. You should work for the FBI.”

Cas pulled on his trousers, “I expected so much better from you. Consider this my notice.”

Dean lay back after he’d been left alone. He could still smell Cas on the bed and his erection still throbbed lightly, craving for attention. Dean closed his eyes and placed his hand around himself. He tugged gently and imagined…

_Dean leant forward slightly and took Cas into his mouth again and Cas pushed forward to provide better access, “you’re mine.” Cas petted Dean on the head and he blushed, his concentration in that moment had otherwise shifted, his lips covered his teeth carefully as he continued.  For several minutes he paid careful attention, Cas looking down on him._

_Cas pulled out and brought his body so his was lying on Dean again, he brought his thighs tight together wrapping around Dean.  He thrust himself slightly and heard Dean let out a moan, Cas planted his lips onto Dean’s as he did so.  Thrusting repeatedly Dean gripped onto Cas’ back and dug in his hands firmly.  Cas whispered into his ears, “your hands could be put to better use”.  Dean understood, bringing his hand down to where Cas was thrusting against him.  Dean closed his eyes, his body overwhelmed in the moment, he let out a moan for Cas to slow down but even at the slower speed he wouldn’t be able to last long._

_When Dean’s orgasm came he let out a deep and heavy moan, and his body relaxed completely.  Dean smiled at Cas, and put the last of his energy into an almost frantically paced shaking of the wrist up and down.  Cas moaned, Dean gripped tighter and then Cas came hard onto Dean’s stomach.  Dean made a slight face and Cas laughed as he decreased the space between their bodies to none, the sticky fluids between his thighs and their chests._

He came at that moment, his wrist slightly tired and his come across his chest. He planted his head into Cas’ pillow for what felt like just one moment before dragging himself out of bed a few hours later.  He snuck to his bedroom, grabbing clothes and then left heading for a shower. Dean walked through to the kitchen and was surprised that Cas was still even in the house.

“Okay, so I’ve spoken to Meg and well, basically she’s outlined some possible questions.” Cas handed him about twenty pages.  “With possible responses, I’m afraid I didn’t have time to edit these down for you as I normally do.”

“The one she thinks will be asked with almost complete certainty are why she isn’t there announcing it and why the announcement is so late.  She thinks the anorexia rumours being brought up will be likely, she suggests a humorous rebuttal and not taking the issue head on.  I would tend to agree.” Cas took the driver’s seat.  “Basically they love you, they’ll lap everything up as long as Carmen told the party-version of the proposal rather than what you managed… it should be fine”

Dean nodded, and Cas ignited the engine ready to drive.  Cas looked to Dean, who leant in and kissed him.  “I guess we don’t mention that either?”

“Don’t mention the war”, Cas muttered, just quieter than Dean could hear.  “I imagine Meg would advise something like that”

“Where was Sam today?”

“I think he’s meeting some girl.”

Dean nodded, solemnly, “Why didn’t I know?”

“I think he’s afraid,” Cas paused, “He’s never had closure for Jess, if they found the sick fuck who burned her… It’s hard moving past people who die.  It’s not like it was some bad relationship and now he’s looking for something better.  So when he tells you, he has to tell Jess’ parents and I’m not sure how ready he is, then it’s all over for him and Jess stops him living his own life.”

“So why do you know?”

“Maybe because he’s dating Meg.”

The car filled with silence before Cas broke it as they pulled into the car park of the hotel the press conference was taking place, “You should sort your tie on the way in. I don’t have any errands to run so I will wait here for you to finish.”

_\-----_

_How did you two meet?_

“Uh… well, you see she was the model on this beer mat.  Actually let’s start a little bit before that.  August a few years ago I’d just landed a good job so, I upgraded my house and my PA, he’s like my guardian angel insisted that we went out to some bar downtown to celebrate that the offer on a new house had been accepted.  I had been working pretty much every minute of every day because I was in a film and the director had some firm deadline.

“The point is, I was tired, I hadn’t really wanted to go out and then I got quite drunk and then, after I’d been given another beer I looked at this beer mat.  Okay, so this is going to sound really creepy and stalkerish now, but I liked the look of her, I mean who wouldn’t? So I turned to my best friend for her number, unsurprisingly he didn’t have it and we went on this wild goose chase at about two in the morning calling people and basically using the fact I was famous to meet this girl. 

“So at about three am we managed to get hold of an extremely angry lady, who didn’t seem to appreciate the fact I was famous but she wanted sleep so she threatened to call the police so me and my friend gave up.  The next morning I felt atrocious, I had a killer hangover and I cringed at my actions so I sent Carmen’s manager a bunch of flowers as apology, and she had caller ID so she gave Carmen my number and well, apparently Carmen found it sweet.  Now it’s eighteen months on.”

_Why have you kept the relationship secret?_

“That wasn’t the intention at first, but the further in we got, the more I enjoyed the privacy I’ve not had before, and I had a very public breakup with Cassie after a perfectly good relationship up until my fame.  The public eye isn’t a good thing for any relationship and we didn’t want the press to add strain to our relationship.  Not to mention Carmen is still quite young we didn’t want her career to be tainted by making the mistake of dating me.

“Not to mention, with what happened to my brother… There’s some in the police that think it was a personal attack and well, I didn’t want to put Carmen in any unnecessary danger.  ”

_What about the proposal?_

“It was a romantic dinner, but nobody is going to enjoy the way I tell this story, Carmen tells it better and would tell me off if I ruin the story for her.  In preparation of this story being requested, Carmen has prepared a short video telling this story in her own way.”

A few minutes later the story telling ended and a few of the audience members let out a slight _awwww_.

_You mentioned your PA, how is he coping with the death of his mother and being forbidden from the funeral?_

“Uh, well… I hadn’t been expecting to be offered any questions about this so I’m not sure how he’d want me to answer. So I’m going to keep it brief. Castiel Novak is a brilliant man and any family that would shun him is not a family I would want to be a part of. Even if the mother is… was? … God.”

=

Dean came out of the conference looking happy with the way things had gone, after the proposal question, Cas had been right how they’d just lap it up, he could have turned it into a political rally by the end of it.  Even Carmen was happy with the way things had gone and if something pleases Carmen…

As Dean got into the car he looked at Cas with a disgruntled look on his face, “You didn’t tell me your mother had died.”

Cas frowned, “I… It doesn’t matter.”

“Except when they ask me about it and I don’t have a clue.”

“Complete strangers went to that funeral. My mother’s religious followers that had never met her treated it as a religious pilgrimage. On the other side of the country tonight, there will be people who have never met my mother at her wake. I don’t have a mother Dean, we both know this.”


	3. An Hedonist

_– 23 rd March_

Sam got out of bed and went through to the kitchen grabbing cereal.  He ate quickly washing his bowl up immediately afterwards, he popped his head round Dean’s door to see Dean’s bed empty again, the bed made to perfection being the tell-tale sign that he’d not slept in it.  He heard footsteps from the hall and saw Dean walking through to the kitchen.

Sam re-entered the kitchen and didn’t pass comment on the empty bed.

“Hey Sammy,” Dean smiled as he got a bowl out.  “I don’t know about you but I really could do with some proper food tonight, last night of just the boys you know?”

“Dean, Anna is arriving today.  How can it just be the boys?”

“I forgot about that.  Do you think Carmen and Anna will get on? It’d be nice if she got on with you guys like she gets on with you and Cas.”

“She hates Cas.”

“She _loves_ Cas, she wanted me to help get him one of these super fancy jobs in the studios.” Dean smiled.

Sam had to stop himself from tutting, almost frustrated by the naivety that Dean sometimes couldn’t contain.  He shook his head slightly though.  “Aren’t you on some silly chat show today?” Dean nodded, “Well then… when you get back we can all party together”

Dean nodded and then winced in memory of last time Anna visited, “Don’t let her near the shot glasses.”

Sam made excuses about wanting a paper and decided to head to the shop to buy the day’s newspaper, he flicked through and saw the interview with Dean a few pages in, on the one hand it disgusted him that fame was such a big part of society and the other half of him twanged with a strange pride that he knew Dean.  Either way, he vowed to himself not to read the article.

When he got in he saw Dean leaving in a taxi.  He never understood why he refused to drive the impala that was left to him, he’d always been told that one day his father would teach him to drive and it just never happened, it didn’t mean he had to condemn himself to endless taxis whenever Cas couldn’t drive him somewhere.

Sam entered the house and saw Cas in the living room, standing and looking out of the window. 

“Hey, are you alright Cas?”

“I don’t know.  Which one of us is picking up Anna? I guess it should be me, but she’ll want time to talk to you at some point.”

“I can go then, if you want.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

And so Sam agreed to pick up Anna, she wasn’t arriving for hours though so Sam spent the day talking to Cas.  Hours passed of meaningless conversation until Sam asked, “How is everything with your mother?”

“My mother died on the thirteenth. I know you know that though, you’ve seen the reports from Dean’s interview.” Cas paused, “She wasn’t expected to live much longer, and I couldn’t go to the funeral as I still live this highly debauched life.  I mean, sure, I shouldn’t care too much, but when every member of the religion took it as a religious pilgrimage to go to the funeral… and I saw my mother once in my whole life, and somehow it was brainwashed into us that we have to love her.  I think the fact that I hated it all is why father gave me all the money to get out, but I wanted the approval that went with my mother being not just my mother but this living god.”

Sam stopped to think about what to say, “I’m sorry Cas.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, feel sorry for the thousands of followers who believe that my mother was an incarnation of god on earth.  Feel sorry for my father who went along with it for so long before it drove him to the grave.  I just don’t see what we can do anymore, I knew this time would come but I’m surprised how I feel.  I haven’t been able to write in my diary.

“I handed in my notice the other day.  Dean knows I love him, he read the diary.  He’s just been using me for sex before he gets married to Carmen.  I think he’s realised, that Carmen won’t be having sex after the wedding either because she’s afraid of getting pregnant.

“I’ve spent the whole time planning this wedding imagining what I would want my wedding with Dean to be like.  I suppose I shouldn’t have done and now, Carmen’s arriving and my life has sort of stagnated.  I’ve always wanted to live abroad and I think now’s my chance so I’ll not be coming back from Argentina, I need a new adventure and this is the exception.  You’re the first to know and I wanted to mention it now, because I’m not sure we’ll have a chance to talk properly before then.”

Sam paused, “Will you ever tell Dean all you’ve done?”

Cas shook his head, “Imagine how Dean would react if he found out his career was doomed until I stepped in and invested in a few movies on the condition he was cast? He’s spent most of his life panicked about whether he’s good enough; he can live not knowing, what’s another secret at the end of the day?”

Sam paused, “I’ll come and visit, I’ve never gone to the southern hemisphere before…”

And so the conversation moved on, discussing travelling like they had done before Sam had started College and how Cas would be able to help plan these _once-in-a-lifetime_ trips that would all be paid for by Dean.  They never happened, they’d never get as far as planning them before another place would crop up as a place to go and another trip of a lifetime was freshly planted on Sam’s mind.

“I sometimes wonder whether fate is real or not.  I spent three years doing a PhD which I’ve never used, but without that time would I have come to be here, right now?  I doubt it.  I used to be a blind rich man living a life of luxury in a penthouse apartment feeling sorry for myself.   I took the job as a PA to Dean’s agent because I was bored with my daily life and I didn’t want to rush into a research job.  Five months later I offer my services to Dean he’d just starred in his first successful movie and he was so desperately lonely.”  Cas looked away from the window to Sam, “I’m glad you’ve grown to be such a wonderful young man and I know you’ll find someone someday.  It is something that everyone deserves.”

Cas checked his watch and ushered Sam to go, on his way out of the door Cas gave Sam a warm hug and Sam went on his way.  Sam checked his phone, a few texts from Meg, apparently she’d been called by Sam’s ass, an impressive feat.  When Anna finally arrived she was surprised to see Sam, but accepted the change of plans fairly quickly.  “So how’s my brother holding up?”

“Hah, Cas is pretty much Cas.  He’s not too pleased about the fact that someone found a Carmen placemat that he didn’t manage to obtain, Dean won’t give him a hard time but the proposal by beer-mats is far less romantic when it’s all but one beer-mat instead of all of them.”

“Aha, I saw the version that Carmen spun about him proposing at a restaurant.  I figure that if someone proposed to me by beer-mat I’d have found the perfect man.”

“Oh please.  Imagine how Carmen felt, bloody beer-mats…  No matter how much alcohol you drink that’s not a good idea.  I doubt even you would appreciate Dean proposing in that way.”

“ _To be fair,_ I kissed Dean in a game of Vodka Kiss, the fact that Dean decided to spray the vodka on my face is probably the thing that ruined any chance of our relationship.”

“Don’t remind me about that.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen people that drunk before.” Sam laughed.

“I saw you get wasted on your 21st, it’s also the most drunk I’ve ever seen Cas.  You may not be able to remember that night, but I do and I’m telling you now, Cas was so bloody drunk.  He actually cried at how much of a ‘beautiful young man’ you’d become.”

Sam blushed, “That _was_ five years ago…”

Anna nodded, “Cas is very protective over family.”

“So, Dean really isn’t feeling up to drinking games tonight and his bride is arriving tomorrow.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“What? You mean you want to know if she’s a good kisser?”

Sam face dropped unsure how to respond.

“Okay, so I guess I get to vodka kiss her, you invite that Meg of yours and we can pair up Dean and Cas.”

“Is that ideal? With the whole… Like deal between Dean and Cas?”

“Oh that’ll be fine.  My brother’s had dreams of getting all over Dean forever.  Come to think of it he’s had dreams about getting all in Dean forever.”

“Dean and Cas have fallen out.” Sam sighed, “Cas is pissed off at Dean for reading his diary, which means Cas is certain that Dean’s toying with him for sex and Dean is pissed off at Cas for not telling him that his mother died. As for the sex, Dean’s loud… It’s really awkward.”

Anna smirked, “Well, Cas knows how to keep himself out of trouble. I never really pinned Dean as a bottom.”

“A bottom?”

Anna glanced at a watch that wasn’t there, “Gosh! Is that the time, as if we’ve been stood around in an airport casually catching up.” Then she whispered under her breath as she walked away with suitcase in hand, “If you search bottoming on google, turn safe search off and you’ll have fun.”

Sam blushed and followed along quickly.

That evening was one of _little_ drinking in Anna’s opinion meaning that Cas, Sam and Dean were all ridiculously drunk and Anna was seemingly sober.  “Well guys, I’m heading off to bed soon, do I need to make sure you find the right beds?”

Dean protested, “I think you’ll find… That if anyone needs help then it couldn’t be me because I’m not drunk.”

Anna laughed before slinking off to bed.  Sam watched as Dean and Cas went off in different directions before going to bed himself.

_– 24 th March_

His head was pounding heavily, and on the way through to the kitchen he peaked into the lounge to see Anna dancing around listening to music on the surround sound.  She was only wearing her nightie and Sam was only half hoping to himself she was wearing underwear.  He grabbed a glass of water and heading back to bed he leant in the doorway to the living room.

“Anna, put some clothes on if you’re going to dance around the lounge.”

“Why can’t I do what I want? Am I not Meg enough?”

Sam shook his head and went back to bed.  It wasn’t so much the fact she wasn’t Meg, it was the fact she wasn’t Jess.  Nobody alive was Jess, and he supposed that was the problem he had left.  He felt like he couldn’t love anyone else and that he so very much wanted to love someone as much as he loved Jess.

He fell asleep surprisingly quickly and woke an hour later, head still spinning.  He walked through to the kitchen and saw Cas holding his head sat on a stool.

“Why does my sister play these stupid games? She’s made a full set of different coloured shots for “shot twister” tonight.  I’m actually going to cry if I wake up tomorrow in any more pain than I’m in now.”

Sam groaned, “Meg’s coming round tonight to join us… Oh and we’re playing that Vodka Kiss game tonight too.”

“My great grandfather on my father’s mother’s side was an alcoholic and Russian even _he_ wouldn’t play that game.  Does this mean I have to make out with Carmen?”

“Oh no, Anna wants to grade Carmen’s kissing, you get Dean.” Sam smirked but as he smirked a light pounding hit him hard in the head.  Almost like some kind of perverted karma that he really didn’t want to feel.

Cas’ phone started ringing and he answered it almost immediately, “No Dean”, “Well I don’t really see why you feel the need to wake me to tell me this.” “Won’t you fucking let me rest for once Dean?” He hung up and slammed his phone on the side rubbing his eyes.

“Carmen’s here.” Cas muttered planting his head onto the kitchen sides.

Sam nodded, “We’ll get you past these few days, this hangover and tomorrows and we can get you ready for your holiday so you can enjoy Argentina to the full, okay?”

Anna came in from the shop and planted down a few cartons of juice, followed by an unnecessarily large amount of alcohol before finally dragging out a massive bag of mushrooms and some garlic.  Sam looked at her slightly confused.  She met his glare, “Hangover food?” a prime example of Anna’s occasional problem in avoiding sounding patronising.

Cas looked up, “Yes, you know me too well.  Let’s make this food.”

Sam felt slightly queasy, “Anna, how the fuck can you say pain is a good thing about humanity? Do you Novak’s feel none?”

Anna smiled, “Cas was a Novak, I’m a Milton.  Long story explaining why Castiel gets a family name and I get one plucked out of thin air, the main point is our parents felt that surnames allow us to follow in our parents steps.  So you get a surname from a member of the congregation, and that shapes your life’s path.”

Sam gawped for a moment trying to think of what to say. “That’s crazy.”

Anna nodded, “Incidentally mother believed that if we didn’t dedicate our lives to the one that god had chosen for us we deserved to die.”

“Top parenting by the… Novak-Miller… tons?”

Anna laughed, “Well me and Cas are alright aren’t we?”

Cas smiled at Anna before continuing to chop mushrooms surprisingly quickly and loudly for someone with a hangover.

-

When the evening came they ordered a large takeaway and all sat around in the living room with a large pin-board trying to arrange the seating plan.

“You cannot _seriously_ be putting me with that old man?” Anna complained, “He looks letchy.”

Carmen gave a quick glare, “He’s my uncle, he _has_ to be there.  Besides, Cas has more reason to worry than you.”

“Wait a moment though, why don’t we pair him with that fat guy at Dean’s work, he dated that eighty year old?” Sam laughed a bit as he spoke.

“He’s not coming, that eighty year old is shipping him on holiday.  Sugar daddy or what?” Cas spoke quickly before refilling his mouth with food.

“Okay, so we have sixteen guests left to place.  Should we put Bobby with Kali? She’s a crazy lady, surprisingly sexy and Bobby will adore her.” Dean asked.

“Weddings aren’t all about matchmaking guys.” Meg piped up, “I mean, just randomly place them down, people either get along or not.  It’s only a three course meal and people will move around after the first course anyway.”

Carmen stood and moved to the pinboard placing people randomly in the remaining spaces.  “We have two seats left.  We could kidnap people on our way to the reception room to fill the spaces?”

“Or… auction them for charity online?” Anna suggested.

“Well, that kind of goes against the ‘small family and friends’ function we pushed to the press” Meg winked at Dean.

“Can’t we just remove two chairs?” Cas suggested.

“No Cas, then we have a different number of chairs at each table it looks sloppy like we can’t count.” Carmen glared at Cas

“Don’t empty chairs suggest that more?” Cas retorted.

Carmen just shook her head in disgust.  “Well I guess we’ll just have them empty for now.”

“We should invite the guy who’s performing the wedding. Reverend Green is it?” Meg smiled at Carmen.

“Isn’t that the character from Clue? Are we going to invite his wife Miss Scarlett?”

Anna looked around the room seeing empty plates, “Okay guys, that’s decided. So how about a game of shot twister?”

Carmen was the first to volunteer which at least guaranteed Dean’s entry, everyone else was a little less eager but soon followed suit.  Meg had foolishly said that “she wasn’t drunk enough”, which earned a roaring laughter from everyone except Carmen who had yet to fall prey to Anna’s drinking games.

The game started simply.  But it wasn’t long before Sam had fallen.  Anna smiled, “So your right foot was on red, your left foot was on yellow, your left hand was moving to green and your right hand was on red.  Two red shots I think it was strawberry something, a whiskey shot and an apple vodka shot.”

The remaining players were tasked with balancing carefully as the watched Sam do each shot.  Carmen cheered the loudest as everyone else knew the pain that would soon be felt by all.  Anna now had to join the tangle; she had to play catch-up until she had moved as many times as everyone else.  Within five minutes everyone except Meg had fallen, as a “special” victory prize Meg was allowed to choose her shots, she picked one of each.

Now that everyone was slightly warmed up the rules for drinking had to change.  The first to land on any body part-colour combo had to shot the relevant shot.  As Meg won she was allowed to decide the order people played the second time around.  In theory the best twister players would drink more, in reality those who ate the most food drank the most.  A simple flaw in the plan, but it provided far more entertainment.  Carmen and Anna were the ones left battling it out for first. 

“I’m far too old for this” Anna complained as she fell when Carmen headbutted her over, “To think that Cas is older than all of us.”

Carmen laughed claiming the remaining shots for the round, “Well, he’s certainly older than me.”

Cas moaned, “That’s no fair, Anna is the same age as Dean!”

“Aha, well, as you kissing Carmen is nearly paedophilia and Sam kissing her is kinda weird.  I’m going to take one for the team and claim Carmen for our vodka kisses.” Anna smirked, “Basically we pour the vodka into our mouths and then we snowball until the rest is gone… Got it?”

“Snowballing as in like… I’m not even sure why I know that word?” Carmen asked.

“Yup, like a couple of deeply in love gays.” She responded Carmen blushing and everyone but Dean laughing.  “The amount of vodka is about three shots each, we don’t want people being sick all over the place, or people spitting vodka on each other, I’m talking to you there Dean.”

“The slowest pair gets eliminated and in about half an hour we’ll have the finals between the other two couples.” Meg added.  “Are you ready Carmen?”

Carmen nodded and Cas’ voice rumbled, “Vodka Drinks Ready? … Gladiators Ready? … LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE.” Meg whispered something about that being two different references but the alcohol was hot in Anna’s, Sam’s and Dean’s mouth now.  They each leapt onto their partner, who all waited slightly opened mouthed.  Anna and Carmen were first to finish, ending with a cough combined with a high-five.  Dean and Cas finished second, Cas slightly red-lipped and Meg and Sam were a second or so behind.

Anna smiled, “you see, the trick to doing well is a passionate kiss and Sam is quite a conservative kisser.  Meg should have brought the fierce out of him, you should have seen when Cas and Meg kissed.  Fastest it’s ever been done.”

Cas shrugged, “We had an advantage then though, we were a regular pairing.  Me and Dean have never partnered before.” Sam gave an accidental knowing glance before stopping himself.

Carmen laughed, “Dean is quite a chaste kisser.”

Anna nudged Carmen with her elbow, “You’re not.” And she gave a little wink.

Meg stood to go and get a drink of fruit juice. “I swear these nights simultaneously keep me young and make me feel old.” She shrugged as she walked out.

Within an hour the second round of vodka kiss had been forgotten, everyone recounting their drunken stories from when they were young and Carmen recounting her drunken stories of just the other week.  It wasn’t until just before bedtime that Carmen brought up that they’d not had a second round of the game.  Meg shrugged, “Do you _really_ need three more shots of vodka? Because I’m telling you now that should be on anyone’s to-do list.”

“Meg, do you want the guest bedroom tonight? No pressure to actually use it but…” Cas offered

Meg interrupted and agreed to the invitation.  Anna and Carmen disappeared to bed quickly.  Sam hushed Meg to wait a moment and they listened to a conversation going on between Dean and Cas.

The first voice they could hear was Dean’s, “Look, nobody fucking cares if you’re broken, Cas.  I just don’t understand why you’re being like this.  I didn’t realise you were so fucking sore about this guy.”

Cas’ voice was nearly too quiet to hear, “I don’t want this conversation Dean. We have a few days left and then you’re going away. By the time you’re back I’ll have moved out and I’ll be out of your hair.”

_– 25 th March_

 “Hey Meg, look… I’m sorry about this.” Sam muttered afterwards. “I’ve never had that problem before.”

Meg winked. “You’ll find your unicorn Sam. I get it, it’s not easy to be intimate after so long. I know that Jess meant a lot to you.” Meg rubbed Sam’s arm. “Just, we’re not right for each other.”

Dean walked through to the kitchen to see Meg kissing Sam on the cheek before turning to leave.

“Hey Sammy. Do you kiss and tell?”

Sam’s face fell to a look of disapproval, “We didn’t work out.”

“I get you. Let’s go and watch some TV. I think Dr Sexy is on.”

Sam rolled his eyebrows, “As if that’s still on. It’s an awful programme.”

About thirty minutes later Anna made an appearance, in pain but presumably less than everyone else.  Given the fact she was still chirpy enough to sing incessantly and call everyone through to breakfast for their hangover cures.  Midway through her cooking Sam returned with a large smile on his face, a rarity in recent years and one that seemed genuine for once rather than forced.

After breakfast Dean hurried off for a shower as did Sam.  Anna went to go for a morning jog, leaving Carmen and Cas alone together.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you about your services after Dean and me are married.  I appreciate that you’re a great worker but the responsibilities of the role are going to be changing soon and I’d hate for you to feel that I’m ousting you from your role.”

“So you are firing me?”

“No, I’m just saying that you’ve been a part of Dean’s life long enough.  I hear rumours about your relationship and well, let’s just say that life can be extraordinarily hard for an openly gay actor.  This may be the 21st Century and the women may still love him but when the men go to see these action films do you think they want to see a cocksucker?”

“So you’re blackmailing me with Dean’s future? Why would that work?”

“Because you love him and that’s fine, you can love whoever you want but Dean is mine now, it’s my turn to start a family with him.  We’ll get a few dogs, maybe a cat, and every year or so you visit, just for a few days mind, and then you will leave.  No vodka kisses, no general kisses and you just keep yourself to yourself and then you go home, cry, whatever… point is…”

Dean walked through drying his hair with a towel causing Carmen to stop midsentence.  “Hey guys, you two having fun?”

Carmen laughed, “Brilliantly, Cas is hilarious when he wants to be.  Go on Cas, tell him the joke.”

Cas shook his head, “No, no.  Just telling it last time brought a tear to my eye from laughing so much I think I might actually die if I tell it again.” Cas wiped a tear from his eye.  “Anyway, I’ve got some stuff I need to do, I’ll be in my room see you guys this evening.”

When it was time for dinner, they went to one of the finest restaurants in the city.  Dean and Carmen sat on one side of the table discussing Anna’s work, Cas and Sam tasted the first course with absolute care and paused only a handful of times in their discussion to listen to the continuing drone of conversation between Anna and Carmen.  Dean trapped in the middle of them.  The conversation for the girls had soon shifted to the new range of designer handbags that Carmen really liked.  By the end of the dinner Dean and Cas had not exchanged a word and they had returned home, each marginally disgruntled with the other. 

When at home everyone went to bed immediately except Dean and Cas.

“Dean, we really need to talk.” Cas walked through to the kitchen, waiting for Dean to follow.  As Dean did he opened his mouth to speak but Dean spoke first.

“Damn right we do.” Dean’s voice cut through the otherwise silent air.

“Dean, you’ve been leading me on as though I’m some kind of worthless piece of shit for weeks, except no, you’ve been doing that for years.  Every time we get close to something you’ve just run away as fast as possible.  Except now, when your wedding is only a few weeks away it’s fine to make those moves? Maybe you’ve realised Carmen not believing in sex for pleasure, contraception and not wanting kids means that you’ll not be getting any but…

“I’ve worked for you long enough to know that you don’t love me, you can’t be that sexually frustrated when you only have a few weeks left.  You and your hands have been friends for so long I don’t see why you needed my intervention.  The fact is that I can’t deal with the situation that has developed and maybe I couldn’t have done anyway. 

“Maybe the situation that we have got ourselves into is irredeemable but the fact is, you did so much and then the fact _I_ am broken comes into question? No Dean, _you_ are broken.  You have spent the past ten years of life dating numerous women, you pass your time every day with me, you kiss me before you go and announce your wedding.  You’ve never dated a man for fear of appearing gay despite, however many crushes you have… Anyway, it’s come down to this.  Your life is with Carmen now.”

Dean and Cas both looked in a state of shock.  Neither 100% convinced that what had just been said had truly been said.

“Cas, you keep yourself to yourself I know this much, whatever and hey maybe I’ve not been fair on you but _Jesus Christ_ … I saw that bit in your diary.  You fucking wanted to go settle down with that guy, and maybe things didn’t work out as planned but I’ve got what I want now.  Maybe he wasn’t right for you but fact is, just because you didn’t get something doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.”

In an instant Dean felt a searing pain on his cheek. Cas’ hand had struck him. He didn’t have any time to react before Cas had pushed Dean against the fridge. Dean felt Cas’ lips being pushed against his.  Cas started crying and Dean reached his hands around Cas his hand pushing through Cas’ hair.  The kiss broke and Cas pushed his head down onto Dean’s chest, he kissed Cas on the head softly.  “I’m sorry.” Dean whispered as Cas’ tears pushed through the fabric of his t-shirt.

Cas forced himself out of Dean’s grip and ran through to his room and as he fell onto the bed he whispered to himself, “So am I?”

_Wedding Day – 26 th March_

Dean looked at the letter again.  Tapping it against his hand, looking out of the window, thinking about the argument they’d had last night he could guess the contents but refrained from doing so just looking up and running his fingers along the sides of the letter.

An apology for hitting Dean and the moment would of course feel right when Dean wasn’t so angry at Cas.  Perhaps the letter could explain why Cas disappeared in the middle of the night.  Anna didn’t know where Cas had disappeared to either, only Sam and Carmen seemed unsurprised by Cas’ disappearing act, and even then Carmen’s lack of surprise would stem from the fact she hardly knows him.

Sam walked into the dressing room followed by Anna, “Okay, we’re almost ready to go.  We’re waiting for the bride to arrive.” Sam looked over Dean’s shoulder to see the diary and letter on the dressing table.  “Is that..?” but Anna interrupted.

“You have Cas’ diary? He would kill you if he finds out he’s left one behind.”

“And I have a letter… Where is he? He said he was going after the wedding a few nights ago.”

Sam paused, “He’s gone to… Azerbaijan? I don’t know it began with A, maybe Africa?”

Dean shook his head, “Nah he wouldn’t go to Africa.”

“This is to do with those blasted encyclopaedias.” Anna muttered. “Bloody miserable child, obsessed with escaping this shitty life he’d developed.”

“I know that story.  Cas told it to me once when I asked what his childhood was like.” His hand running over the letter, “Once upon a time there was a young boy by the name of Castiel Novak who was deeply afraid of the life he may be forced to live.  This lost soul of a child wanted to get away ever so much from the life that he led, on his eleventh birthday his grandparents on his father’s side bought him a book, one volume of Encyclopaedia Britannica.  It was the complete letter A, I’ve seen it actually, it’s pretty massive and the text is pretty small.  Anyway, he flicked through this book and he decided he would go to the first country he could see.”

“So he’s going to end up in Afghanistan or something?” Sam asked.

“No, well yes, somewhere like that.  At the time but within a few years he’d decided on Argentina.  I don’t know why exactly but he fixated on the place more than anything.  So he’s gone to Argentina.  I mean it’s a step up from the Aaland Islands.” Dean smirked and looked up to see Anna and Sam looking at him blankly. “They’re these islands between Sweden and Finland…”

So Dean sat and waited, for Carmen to arrive.  Sam and Anna waited with him, Sam was to be called when Carmen finally arrived.  It was now the moment the wedding was meant to start and there was no sign of Carmen anywhere.  Dean paced endlessly, until a call finally came through, just past half an hour after when the wedding was due to start to let them know Carmen had arrived.  Dean glanced at his watch and paused looking to Anna and Sam.  “If she’s gonna’ make me wait then I can make her wait.” Sitting down he took the letter out of his inside pocket and opened the letter.

_Dearest Dean,_

_I suppose it isn’t fair to write this letter on the day of your wedding, but the circumstances in our relationship have never been exactly easy to describe and it perhaps was always going to be the way._

_Nineteen months ago, I invited you out for a drink and we were sat at a bar.  You bought that house and I had been ready to say what I had wanted to say for a long time. I was scared to death.  I mean, it’s not every day that you do that sort of thing.  I’d got everything planned perfectly, except I was frightened.  So, we had a few drinks first.  I closed my eyes for a moment and built up the courage to say what I wanted._

_So I open my mouth, and my throat is as dry as anything, I’m so fucking nervous I was on the verge of tears at what would happen if things went bad and worried I might be sick all over you if things went well, so I lifted my beer to take a swig.  Then your face turns to look at me, there’s this look deep in your eyes, as though you knew what I was about to say.   Except it wasn’t me that look was meant for.  It was the woman I had just uncovered with my beer.  You looked at me like I was the most important person to you in the world, looked me deep in the eyes and you told me, “I love that girl” and you pointed to my mat._

_Devastated of course I excused myself to go to the bathroom and returned five minutes later.  You had barely noticed I’d been gone. Somehow you had fallen in love with a beer mat lady who had been in your life for all of five minutes over me, who’d been in your life for over eight years.  I did want to settle down, with the most important man ever to have touched my life, but I am not jealous of you finding a girl like Carmen and getting to settle down. I find it hard now to deal with you and Carmen living in the house I helped pick out, in the wedding that we would have had and living the life that we made for you._

_So, these words I write, nineteen months late, knowing that there is never a good time to say something when it comes to a matter of the heart.  Dean Winchester, you are the man I have loved, I do love and will love for all of my days._

_Faithfully (and Forever) Yours,_

_C.N._

Dean looked at Sam and Anna who had watched him intensely reading this letter and then he looked back to the letter.  “Sam, Anna, do any of you know how to book plane tickets”  Sam and Anna glanced at each other slightly awkwardly.  “Do either of you know where Cas is in Argentina?”

“He won’t have left yet he was leaving after the wedding for his holiday, call him?” Sam urged.  “Or maybe we can contact his credit card company?”

“No, we contact his banker.  He doesn’t _use_ credit cards he has a super platinum gold whatever account” Anna pointed out.  “I know his banker we can get his hotels address and flight time.”

“Fine, while you girls argue about this I’ll do this old school.” Dean mumbled.  He grabbed a coat and left the church by the back entrance and ran to a car.  Kicking the wheel angrily realising that Cas had always driven him everywhere, “For fuck’s sake Dean, why couldn’t you learn how to drive? Too fucking stubborn.”

Dean ran around the church to the front to see the post-wedding ride to the reception room sat next to the pavement.  He jumped in and saw Carmen sat next to him.

“Oh my god Dean, it’s bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding.” She tutted and stepped out of the car.  “You should have just asked someone else to come and fetch me like normal people do.” She slammed the door behind her. 

Dean paused for a moment considering whether to follow or not, but the desire to chase after this _perfect_ woman soon disappeared.  Dean ordered the driver onwards to the airport, and the driver accelerated quickly.  Twenty minutes later Dean was at the airport and slightly disoriented.  He went straight to see the list of flights and saw the flight times.  He was thankful flights to Argentina weren’t numerous, though he did have to check a map of the world to see which cities _were_ Argentinian.  Why couldn’t Cas want to go to a place with only one airport?

He received a phone call, it was Anna speaking in a hasty voice.  “We spoke to Raphael, nice guy… He’s got a ticket for the next two flights to Buenos Aires apparently he bought the earlier ticket today so, basically if you run you can still manage to catch that one.  He’s in first class, but the row and seat isn’t available.  Oh and we have the address of the hotel which we’ll text you.  Good luck.  Oh and Sam announced the wedding is off and is now talking to a guy who knows a Dutch ambassador and that’s as far as we’re getting on the Visa front. I know that the Dutch and Argentinians aren’t the closest but this is your own bloody fault for not making political friends because you think politics is boring.”

Dean thanked her and bought a ticket for the flight to Buenos Aires immediately.  He went to the check-in who eyed him suspiciously for the lack of a suitcase but he walked through the airport quickly, stopping only when necessary to be frisked and searched.  His first stop was the First Class Lounge; he entered having to show his fresh ticket to the man on the door.

As he stepped through the door he saw Cas sat, reading a newspaper.  He looked exactly like a man who had left in the middle of the night and not been able to get a flight for another ten hours would.   Dean didn’t mind, because despite the fact Cas had been right in front of him for ten years, he’d never stopped to consider that maybe Cas was more important to him that this endless stream of pretty women.

Dean walked over and sat opposite Cas. He watched the man read intensely for what felt like an awfully long time. Until eventually Cas looked up from his paper to see Dean sat opposite him staring at him.

“Would it have hurt to include a flight time?” Dean asked as he stood and stepped forward offering his hand to Cas.

“I didn’t think you would come…” Cas muttered taking Dean’s hand and standing with him.

* _Will passengers for the flight to Buenos Aires prepare to board*_

“So what do you say?” Dean asked gesturing his head towards the door, “I’m up for an adventure.” Dean leant in to Cas’ ear and whispered, “and I’ve not got any other clothes with me.”

“I am not giving you any of mine.” Cas tutted as he reached around Dean for a chaste hug.

Dean dropped his voice lower and pulled away from Cas slightly.  “I guess you’ll be seeing me naked then.”

Cas’ eyes met Dean’s and their lips met.  Cas took a step forward and hugged Dean tightly. His mouth reached towards Dean’s ears, “I guess we all make our sacrifices, don’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone feels I lied in the description. It was really rather difficult to write a description which didn't actually outright lie to people while actually give people an idea of the plot.


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